Quit Dying to the Wrong Things

Jesus: One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple (Luke 14:25-27, The Message).

Most people who are new to the story of Jesus love him.  Until they come across the above passage.  Then they schedule an appointment with me...

Without much reflection, we can easily slide into an interpretation of Jesus' words and conclude that following Jesus 24/7 pretty much means that we are letting go of everything we love and are.  Including the very things that make us "us".  Our passions.  Our dreams.  Our personality.  Sounds great, doesn't it?  Sign me up for the dullest life experience possible!

I wanted to be a good, loving Christian no matter the cost.  And I mistakenly believed that good, loving Christians were people characterized by five things: they never said no, they had an active social calendar, they juggled many things without complaining, they got things done, and the put others' needs before their own.  - Geri Scazzero, I Quit!

Geri Scazzero fell into this trap, and it sucked her life dry.  The context of Jesus' statement is an entire chapter devoted to what following Jesus looked like.  There were plenty of influences on Luke that shaped his writing: from hypocritical, hypercritical religious leaders who talked one way but lived another to soft, wimpy "followers' of Jesus who were committed only to the point of their personal discomfort.  Too narrow of a reading here can land you with Geri - wiped out and washed up, on the brink of a melt down - all claiming to honor Jesus.

But this does not take into account the fact that we reflect the image of God at our core, and therefore at our deepest level there reside passions and dreams that should not be given up to follow Jesus.  They should rather be mined and embraced.

Dying to the wrong things means depriving yourself of God-given gifts and pleasures that nurture your unique life in him...  Dying to the wrong things reflects a lack of self-respect and failure to grasp our personal dignity as made in the image of God himself.- Geri Scazzero, I Quit!

There is story in the Bible that illustrates what can happen if we die to the wrong things and neglect the very things that keep us whole and more wholly connected to God.  The infamous story is about King David (1 Samuel 11-12), the scandalous affair he had with Bathsheba, the attempts to cover it up, his order to have the woman's husband thrown into a perilous military position which killed him, his being held accountable by prophet-like Nathan, and eventually David's restoration (see Psalm 51).  We tend to focus on the sin of adultery without thinking much about what decisions made him more vulnerable "moral failure" in the first place.

David was a musician and a poet, for sure.  But he was also famous for being a tremendous warrior.  He was hard-wired for his military leadership.  Way beyond the certain adrenaline rush that must accompany battle, I think all the other aspects of the military experience did something for David.  Like it fed him or something.  Camping out with his men.  The planning.  The storytelling.  The camaraderie.  All of these things tapped into a deep root that fed David's soul, and somehow impacted the level of intimacy he experienced with God.

I wear down faster if I don't get some solitude, or exercise, or nature, or some deep reading and reflection.  Friends of mine get recharged by fishing.  Some cycle for hours.  Some play music.  David went to war.

But even though it was the time of year when people went to war (these things need to be collaboratively scheduled...), David did not go to war.  He stayed in his palace in Jerusalem.  He ate.  He drank.  He napped.  He got caught up with a woman who did her part to play him.  He caved, and things went from bad to worse.  Serious damage.  Countless days of emotionally-invested turmoil.  A really awful season of life for all involved.

I don't think he would have found himself in Bathsheba's arms if he had gone to war.  And not simply due to the obvious fact that he would not have been home to see Bathsheba's bathtub show.  I think he was susceptible because he was not "in the zone" with God.  The reason he wasn't walking closely with God was, in part, due to the fact that for some reason he chose not to go where he got recharged.  Bathsheba went fishing for David and caught him because he was out of the water he so desperately needed to thrive.

Geri died to many things that fed her life, and her life with God.

Have you mistakenly died to anything Christ has not asked you to die to?  Consider asking yourself this question: when did I feel most alive this past week?  When did I feel the most life draining out of me?

I mistakenly died to my 

• delight and love for the outdoors - hiking, lakes, oceans, mountains.
• need for silence and solitude.
• extended family.
• intentional personal growth.
• great marriage.

A problem with many Christians begins when we try to sacrifice a self we do not possess.  We try to die to our fears, our anger, or our sadness, for example, without first embracing that we are afraid, angry, or sad.  We try to die to certain thoughts and feelings that are not of God's kingdom without full acknowledging they exist within us.  We try to love and respect others when we don't love and respect ourselves.  We are kind to others when we are not kind to ourselves. - Geri Scazzero, I Quit!

Geri learned that she needed to make sure that she retained life-giving aspects of her life - things she was not being called to sacrifice for Christ, but actually fostered her ability to live faithfully as a Jesus follower.  She also learned that she needed to be honest about her interior life, examining the root sources of her sadness, anger, fear, and what gave her a sense of self worth.

Geri recommends exploring ourselves in order to insure that we foster healthy, life-giving behaviors and manage ones that take life away from us.  First, she encourages people to identify where they are on the introvert-extrovert continuum.  The more extroverted a person is, the more they need to build "people time" into their calendar.  The more introverted person needs to carve appropriate time for solitude and only the closest of friends.  Second, she advises that we come to grips with what feeds our self-esteem - what we rely on for significance and meaning.  The sources are likely directly related to how we are hard-wired, and can and will give us life if tapped appropriately.  However, these sources have the capacity to steal life from us as well.  Which of the Eneagram's nine personality types do you most associate:

Eneagram's Nine Personality Types and Correlated Areas of Concern

1. The Perfectionist.  Your need to constantly improve makes you a great worker, but you may base your self-worth on an unattainable goal.  Also, you may have a tendency to judge others on how well or not they achieved perfection.
2. The Giver.  You love to be needed.  You are generous and warm.  But you may also tend toward wanting to rescue others.  You may find yourself needing others to validate you for your sense of worth.
3. The Achiever.  You need to succeed in order to feel good about yourself.  But you may be attaching your sense of self too closely with success.  You probably need to carve out time for increasing the quality of your relationships.
4. The Romantic.  You love to get in touch with your deepest motivations and seek meaning in life constantly.  You may be prone to envy, self-hatred, shame, or self-absorption.  Relax and enjoy the moment.
5. The Observer.  Knowing everything gives you a sense of security.  But you may tend to avoid others, which keeps you emotionally disengaged.  Learn to learn from others without needing to "know it all."  You can make mistakes, and you don't have to be the smartest person in the group.
6. The Dutiful.  You need security, order, and certainty.  You seek approval from others and are very loyal.  You may be controlling and rigid, and may be too dependent on approval from others.
7. The Adventurer.  You mainly want to eat, drink, and be merry while avoiding pain at all costs.  But dealing honestly with pain, suffering, and loss is integral to doing life with Christ.  Open yourself up to the full range of emotions, not just happiness - you'll be deeper for it.
8. The Asserter.  You love a good fight, standing up for a cause, and justice.  But you may be lacking the capacity to be vulnerable, and may need to work on becoming approachable so that loving relationships can grow.
9. The Peacemaker.  You hate conflict - so much so that you may give into others just to keep the peace.  You may need to learn to express your feelings and learn to use the gift and talents you've been sitting on.

When we quit dying to the wrong things and begin the journey of knowing our hearts, our stories, and our personalities, we come alive to our true selves in Christ.  As part of that process, we acknowledge and affirm the full range of human emotions - even those that are considered bad.  We embrace all our humanity, realizing that the more we ignore or suppress certain emotions, the more we are controlled by them.  - Geri Scazzero, I Quit!