We’re all inherently selfish… When we are born, the first thing we do is complain about our surroundings. We don’t have any problem letting everyone know that we are not happy. Screaming as loud as we can is our way of looking out for number one, right from day one. Looking out for number one is a very natural way of life in the Western world, and especially in the US, where individual freedoms are built into our country’s very foundation. It may surprise you to hear that looking out for number one is biblical, and even modeled by Jesus. Several times he withdrew to a quiet place to recharge, think, and pray. He needed rest, and he wasn’t apologetic about taking it as needed.
A new version of looking out for number one… What babies don’t realize when they let out their first scream is that they are doing more than registering a complaint. They are doing something that is actually helping them get a healthy start. The wail from the pit of hell they let loose helps them physically by clearing their entire air passage of all the guck from the womb. Guck is the scientific term for the fluid a pregnant mother’s belly – look it up. Looking out for number one with a scream is actually music to the ears of the parents, doctors and nurses in the delivery room – it lets us know the baby is actually breathing well. Of course, the baby doesn’t know that their howl is doing anything for anyone else, and is not at all clear about the benefits of screaming offers for personal health. But the reality is, the screaming promotes health for everyone involved.
There may be something to learn here. Maybe when we think about looking after number one – our natural tendency, we need to consider that part of that is taking our surroundings into consideration. Maybe if our view of looking after number one is too narrow, we might end up actually hurting ourselves inadvertently.
So, you drive a car. You like the fact that it gets you from point A to B. Especially if one of those points is a place you like to go, like a movie, or a restaurant, or your church (of course!). But one place you don’t like to go is the mechanic. They’re know-it-alls, of course, and who likes that? They have crazy ideas like: you should change your oil more than once every few years; your brakes need to be replaced or you’ll probably run into someone or something; and, if you don’t get your front end aligned, you’re going to keep wearing out your tires prematurely, which will costs you hundreds and hundreds of more dollars than you need to spend. The truth is, however, if we don’t take care of our cars, they aren’t going to take care of us. Eventually, our looking out too narrowly for number one (not servicing our car) will come back to bite us.
But it’s not just about cars. It’s everything. If we don’t realize that looking out for number one requires looking out for numbers two, three, four and the millions after that, our happiness is short lived. Our joy is only going to be momentary, because we will find ourselves frustrated, angry, and disappointed that the world around us is getting in the way of our pursuit of happiness.
We are connected to every other person on the planet. And we are connected to the planet. Neglecting the relational environments we live in – not giving any attention to the needs around us that don’t fit our scope of looking out for number one – is like dumping your used motor oil out on the ground right above your well, or into the reservoir that provides water for the treatment plant. Neglecting the natural environment because it doesn’t fit our scope of looking out for number one is as stupid as insulting your employer to his face and behind his back day after day, expecting no consequences. Both myopic approaches result in an isolated, miserable life.
Could it be that looking out for all that is around us is an integral part of looking out for number one?
How Jesus modeled loving the situation… There are three great stories about how Jesus modeled this very thing. Jesus was a man on a mission – he knew why he was alive, and knew what his calling was on earth. In one instance (Luke 7:11-17), Jesus was passing through a village called Nain, when he came across a funeral procession for a boy – the only son of his widowed mother. If you were a woman living back in those times, the way you looked out for number one was to look out for a man who could provide for you. First a husband, and then a son. Both of her men died. Her hope was dashed, her heart was broken, and her future was bleak. Jesus stopped the procession, and brought the boy back to life. This was more than a display of miraculous power. This was Jesus looking out for those in his path. He saw hopeless, knew how to bring hope back in a way the widow would receive it, had the power to do something, and did it. Looking out for number one – Jesus’ purpose in life – meant that he looked out for those in his path.
Another time, a leader in the local synagogue rushed to Jesus, pleading for help for his ailing young daughter. Jesus agreed to go see her, but on the way was touched by a woman seeking healing for many years. She literally touched his robe in hopes that healing power would make her bleeding condition cease. Jesus knew that such bleeding was keeping her from community, from worship, from life. So, he affirmed her faith and she found herself well. An unexpected delay en route to helping a little girl (what was the girl’s father thinking of this interruption?). Once back on track, a messenger came to tell the father and Jesus that the girl had died. The father’s heart no doubt sunk. Jesus saw the situation, could see what he could do to restore hope in a way that the father could understand it, and went forward. He healed the girl, restoring her life. Looking out for number one – Jesus’ purpose in life – meant he looked out for those in his path.
Earlier in his ministry, he intentionally went out of his way to look after others. He walked across the line of his faith into Samaria – a land despised by his fellow countrymen. There he met a woman at well in the heat of the day. He opened up a conversation with her – way out of cultural norms. He discovered that she was a woman who had experienced a really, really rough life. She was alone, and had little hope in her life. Her heart had a pulse, but nothing to really beat for. Jesus saw the need, had something to offer, and gave it to her. In this case, it was encouragement and honor – she was the first to hear from his lips that he was the long-awaited Messiah. How fully did that restore her? Enough to cause her to run back to the village that probably despised her, tell them about Jesus, and bring them all back to meet him. Her life was restored. Looking out for number one – Jesus’ purpose in life – meant he looked out for those in his path.
If you really want to look out for number one, look out for everybody else, too.
Who decides if love was shared… Wally was married to Tilly. He was in hot water, but didn’t know why. He had done his best to express his love to her. He was always doing acts of service for her – cleaning the house, tending to the garden, keeping her car spotless, taking care of laundry, and doing the dishes. Then one night, Tilly exploded with anger. The core of what she was saying cut Wally to his heart. She wondered if he even loved her! What!? But look at all the stuff I’ve done to show you my love!
Gert was married to Glen. Gert was in hot water, but she couldn’t figure out why. She had done her best to show her love to Glen, spending every chance she got by his side. They really had a lot of quality time together. But one evening, Glen exploded in anger. What hurt Gert the most was that Glen wondered if she even loved him anymore.
The conflict in both of these relationships was rooted in a language barrier. Gary Smalley suggests that there are five primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Acts of Service. Often, people in relationships don’t operate with the same love language, but love their significant other in the way they want to be loved. Wally’s love language was Acts of Service, but Tilly’s was Quality Time. While Wally was showing his love to Tilly by doing endless chores, Tilly was getting steamed wondering why he was avoiding spending Quality Time with her. Gert’s love language was Quality Time. Glen’s love language was Physical Touch. After countless hours of deep conversations and romantic walks, Glen was feeling pretty put off when he never got any Physical Touch with his wife. The point? It doesn’t matter, really, if you think you’re showing love. What matters is if the person you are wanting to show love towards feels loved.
When we consider looking out for number one by looking out for others as well, being as Jesus wherever we find ourselves, we are challenged to get beyond our own language for love and service, and consider what our recipient’s needs. Jesus didn’t offer a popsicle to the widow at the funeral, he offered her hope that would restore her. The bleeding woman didn’t receive a coupon for a free cup of coffee – she got her life back. The father of the little girl saw his hope restored. And the Samaritan woman at the well experienced personal and community redemption. Jesus showed them love in ways they could appreciate, not just in ways he thought would be lovely.
As you move into a new week looking out for number one, how are you going to really do that? Are you going to broaden your scope beyond your nose? How are you going to love those you encounter in ways they feel respected, honored, and valued – all things that are stepping stones to redemption? May you realize that God has loved you personally and endlessly, and has shown you the path to life at its best – a life that does look out for number one, but does so by looking out for others at the same time.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.
Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that come from God.
Think…
- Where do you draw the line when it comes to giving to someone else (money, time, help, etc.)?
- What keeps you from being more other-oriented?
- How were you taught about giving to others? Were they right?
- Where do you draw the line when it comes to looking out for number one? When do you say, “I’ve got enough – time to give some away”?
- How did Jesus love in ways they recipients felt loved?
- How do we sometimes love in ways that are not received as lovely?
- What is your love language? Is that your primary way of showing love as well? How’s that working for you?
- Who is your sphere will you show love to this week that you normally would not? How will you do it?
- Is inviting someone to CrossWalk an act of love?
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