Nick Carraway moved from the Middle West to work in the bond market in New York City. He found a small house to rent on the North Shore of Long Island. His house sat next to a very large home which belonged to Jay Gatsby. Gatsby had parties every weekend that ran into the wee hours of the night. The guest list was a veritable Who's Who of New York City's elite crowd. Carraway was basically an unknown entity, just trying to learn his way into a new occupation after coming back from the war.
As time carried on, Carraway got to know Gatsby more and more. He discovered that the mansion, and the parties, and all the glitz was to win the heart of a woman he loved five years before. In fact, he bought the mansion because he could see her large estate just across the water. He wanted to fit into the elite crowd, to gain their acceptance - and more specifically, her acceptance.
I won't spoil the book if you haven't read it yet, or the movie that comes out this December. But let me just say that Gatsby struggled with the topic of this chapter of Scazzero's book. Much of his life was built around what he assumed others would applaud.
Toward the end of his life, Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw was asked what person in history he would most like to have been. He responded by saying he would most like to have been the George Bernard Shaw he might have become but never did. - Ger Scazzero, I Quit
I knew a man years ago who was very poor. He lived in a county housing project. He lived off of "the system." If you ever talked with him, you would discover that he played for the Chicago Bears in the late 1960's. He was a pretty big guy, and had some great stories to tell of the earlier years of pro football. If you got to know him a bit better, you would also discover that he was fighting the NFL over retirement income he was due but had never received. His lawyers told him that one day his ship came in. Apparently, it did. Within a few days, he was driving a loaded, brand new sports sedan. The girl woman he had a crush on for years finally returned the love - they got engaged just days after his outlook turned richer. Promises to help his impoverished family were given lavishly. He was also immediately courted by leaders of institutions who were happy to talk about how he might use his new fortune to create endowments in his name. He went from a lovable peasant to royalty overnight.
But within a week or two, everybody who knew of his good luck found out the whole thing was a lie. A lie that he had perpetuated for at least a decade.
He kept the lie up because he wanted to matter in the eyes of his community, and especially in the eyes of one woman in particular.
The truth is, Gatsby lives in all of us to some extent. We all find ourselves lured and shaped by the impersonal culture and the intimate relationships that surround us. All the voices tell us what we should be. We can very easily give heed and lose ourselves. We get duped! We think that if we follow the script, we'll get the life we want. But we find out the hard way at times that it's not that easy.
From Parker Palmer (Let Your Life Speak):
Most of us arrive at a sense of self only through a long journey through alien lands. But this journey bears no resemblance to the trouble-free "travel packages" sold by the tourism industry. It is more akin to the ancient tradition of pilgrimage - "a transformative journey to a sacred center" full of hardship, darkness and peril.
Much of Scazzero's book has been about living out of our True Selves as Thomas Merton would phrase it - being who we were especially made to be. It is impossible to shake all the influences that have shaped us - and foolish, too, since we are all products of our inherent self spiced with all the experiences of life up to this point. But we can discover a different kind of life that is energized by another Source which is infinitely more potent and profound.
There is an oft-quoted passage of scripture from the Gospel of John. It is referenced at sporting events the world over with a simple "3:16". The particular verse speaks of God desiring to give eternal life to all who believe in Jesus. It is a quote from Jesus, apparently, and is part of a conversation Jesus had with a religious leader named Nicodemus.
Nicodemus came under cover of night to get the skinny on Jesus. One of the challenging concepts Jesus shared with Nic at night was that God's desire was to breathe life into his people. Jesus recalled a vision experienced by the Old Testament prophet Ezekiel where he saw a valley of dry human bones come to life by the breath of God. The metaphor painted a picture of what God wants to do with us - breathe new life into us. We experience this the more we walk in the Way of Jesus and in relationship with the Living God.
To this end, Scazzero gives a few guidelines that help insure that we keep on the narrow way that leads to life.
1. Discover Your Integrity. This is all about living according to your True Self - the inherent you that most reflects the image of God, the source of love.
Nothing is more important that being faithful to the will of the Father and growing in love. When I overextend myself or start doing things God has not asked me to do, my capacity to love shrinks. I often ask myself, "If I say yes to this person or commitment, will I be a more, or less, loving person?" - Geri Scazzero, I Quit!
2. Listen To Your Inner Rhythm. You are wired in a certain way, and need to honor it. I am not a morning person. Maybe in a decade or two it will change, but I've tried to become a morning person. My wife and kids will agree that it fosters a Grumpy Self, not a True Self. Coming to grips with your place on introversion/extroversion continuum helps inform your steps, too. The point is to honor the rhythm that is hard-wired into you - don't do stuff simply because others think it's a good idea.
3. Set Your Boundaries. Only you can protect your personal boundaries. Only you can say no or yes. Determine what healthy looks like, and promote and protect it with solid boundaries.
4. Let Go Of Others. Guess what? Even if you think you can control others, you can't. So stop.
One of the litmus tests to discern my spiritual growth in letting go is to detect when traces of resentment and judgmentalism prevail in my heart rather than an appreciation of differences. - Geri Scazzero, I Quit!
Write Your Manifesto. Putting pen to paper and writing down who and what you are about is incredibly clarifying and empowering. Have you don't it? It doesn't guarantee that you'll reach your goal, but you'll at least know where you're going. It also doesn't guarantee that it will be easy. In fact, you will experience constant pressure to conform to the world around you. But consider the salmon swimming upstream - they innately know just how to push themselves against the current to propel themselves up waterfalls. If they can do it, you can do it!
As she concludes this chapter, Scazzero reminds us of Rosa Parks. Parks, of course, is the most famous person in history for taking a seat on a bus. A black woman, she took a seat in the front, white only section in the Deep South. Her action sparked a movement that led to greater racial equality in the U.S. When asked why she took that seat that day, she simply said, "I was tired." Her actions were in line with her beliefs. She could no longer sit in the back of the bus - she was too tired to live in inequality any longer. May you have the awareness to know what you need to do, and the courage to do it.
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