Caution: Ouch Factor May Be High!
Remember the story of the father of two sons? The younger asked for his inheritance in advance - "I don't want you, Dad, I just want your stuff". Dad granted the request. The younger son blew it all over some period of time, and was destitute. He came to his senses, and decided to try going home. At least he could work for an honest man. His Dad was thrilled to see him, restored his "sonship" and threw a lavish party for him, which included the entire village. The older brother was indignant, however, and would not attend the celebration. Dad went out to coax him in, and the older son's true colors came pouring out. Ugly, smelly stuff that got spread all over. Dad paid no attention, however, reminding him of his love, and inviting him to join the party.
Even though we can glean a lot from the younger son and father characters in this story, the focus, really, is on the older son. They represented the Pharisees and teachers of the religious law. They were not pleased with the company of sinners Jesus was keeping, even though their lives were being changed as they experienced restored relationship with God. The Pharisees were the insiders, the ones in charge.
Are we anything like the older brother? Do we have elder brotherliness in our gene pool? See if any of the following indicators are similar to your life experience.
Indicators of elder brotherliness...
- Anger at brother's return where there should have been joy - justice button pushed, which was more important to him than mercy (see Micah 6:6-8). He was distracted by the lesser concern so much that he missed the greater concern of redemption. We want them to admit all their wrongdoing - grovel - before we offer love and grace.
- The father's highly unusual begging didn't humble him - his heart was cold as stone.
- He lacked respect when addressing the father - no honor given - very uncommon and highly inappropriate in those days.
- His perspective on serving was servitude, not servanthood. He was not serving out of love. His motive was what he would gain out of serving.
- He was near perfect in his own estimation: never once have I refused to do a single thing... Self-righteousness was his top spiritual gift!
- His focus was on the young meatless goat he never asked for (because a good dad would just know how much he wanted it...). But what about all the food he had enjoyed for so long in his father's house? Ingratitude was his next highest spiritual gift...
- Undercurrent: The younger brother got to have all the fun and come back with no consequences - not fair or right - why should he have to stay in this drudgery? The younger brother realized that Vegas wasn't as fun as he thought, and what he really lacked was a meaningful relationship with Dad. The older brother glamorized what he didn't have, secretly yearning for it - maybe in retirement, when Dad kicks the bucket and my ship comes in.
- Disassociates himself with his brother - "son of yours". "I'm not anything like him - I'm much better."
- Judges harshly his father's decision to celebrate - now we know how he feels about Dad.
This was actually one of several accounts of Jesus lifting the value of grace over any other concern. And, like the others, was probably not received well. I the story's point registered with the target audience (religious folks), my bet is that they never admitted it to anyone.
My guess is that most of us are in denial about just how much elder brotherliness swims through our veins.
In his book, The Prodigal God, Timothy Keller challenges us with this thought: If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had, then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did. If our churches aren't appealing to younger brothers, they must be more full of elder brothers than we'd like to think.
Ouch.
He's right. We very easily slip into elder brother mode. If the Bible is a witness to human tendencies, then we can be certain that we very naturally lose focus on keeping our relationship with God - Dad - central in our lives. We very easily choose hatred over love, revenge over redemption, getting even over grace. When we sense we are wronged, our sense of justice kicks in. Unfortunately, all too often our way of seeing things favors ourselves handsomely, and fails to see the fuller story of what really happened. While we may strive for blind justice in our courts, I think it's a struggle to pull off in our own lives.
What the elder brother experienced throughout his life cannot be boiled down to sheer greed - upset that his share of the estate was being wasted on his idiot brother. Because I believe things like this are layered and complex, I am confident that this fictional character, if he were real, could not even begin to explain all he was feeling, and I am pretty sure he wouldn't be too clear on why he was feeling the way he felt.
That's the case for all of us. We are complex beings for sure.
What was also complicated was the invitation he was given by his dad to join the party. He certainly had many reasons to offer - if given the chance - to refuse the invitation. To attend is to reward bad behavior. To attend is to somehow condone the younger brother's decisions. I haven't heard the apology. I don't believe he has repented.
So why did the father welcome him home to quickly? Why not have a family meeting so that Older Brother could get on board? The simple answer is that none of that really mattered in the end. Dad made a decision to break a system that has been in far too much control from the beginning of time. Quick justice via harsh judgment would certainly have been approved of by all. But it would not have been at all redemptive.
Dad displayed prodigal grace, a bold decision to break the old system. Systems don't change until part of the system changes. Changing even a part of a system is usually difficult. Even though he held all the cards, it was still a courageous decision for the father. I recently read a quote in one of my kid's classroom: What is popular isn't always right. What is right isn't always popular.
In fact, no relationship would ever survive unless we operated with more grace than justice. Our failures would catch up with us very soon. We would be kicked to the curb, or we would kick our partner to the curb.
Grace changes all that. Grace cancels the debt. Grace is bigger than justice, but when received, has a greater impact. Grace received changes us from the inside out because we realize we do not deserve the release, the forgiveness that we have been given. We become humbled. Our eyes get changes when we really come to grips with what has happened to us. Our current view of things changes. our future motivation changes. All because of grace.
So, how much older brother blood are you pumping through your veins? If you've never come to grips with the enormous, lavish, prodigious gift of grace, you have more than you might realize.
To not take this inner search seriously is to endorse the status quo, and to willingly participate in the perpetuation of ongoing judgment, disharmony and strife in your relationships. You may be right in your assessment of justice, but you will also be very alone.
May you take your older brother search seriously, that you may be a part of a revolution that will change the world if we'll have it. In truth, grace is the only thing that ever will. Jesus was so confident in this fact that he died for it.
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