How would a couple enter their nuptials differently if they knew some of the major challenges they would face in their future together? We always imagine the good stuff, but what about some of the inevitable bad stuff that many couples face?
· You’re going to have huge college debt upon graduation, and be welcomed by a lousy job market, or…
· You’re going to get pregnant years sooner than you planned, or…
· You’re going to try and get pregnant and won’t be able to, or…
· Your child is going to be special needs which will require exponentially more from you, or…
· You’re going to struggle with depression, which will seriously impact your marriage, or…
· Your spouse will be diagnosed with stage IV cancer, and happily ever after might not be possible, or…
· You and your spouse will both get pink slipped and wonder how you’re going to make your mortgage, or…
· You and your spouse are going to approach marriage roles very differently, and it will cause major conflict and even despair in your life, or…
· You will be committed but your spouse will not, and you’ll feel more alone than ever, or…
· You fill in the blank.
If couples could be so sober as they approach marriage, they’d ask different questions. They’d actually ask questions instead of assuming they’ve got it figured out.
Jesus did as good a job as anybody could to sober up his disciples leading up to his death. In John 14, Jesus referenced his leaving them – he knew he was going to die. Laced within his warning, however, he offered words of comfort. Why did he offer words of comfort?
The disciples were starting to get the idea. Their Master was going to die at the hands of an angry Jewish and/or Roman authority. What was going to be their fate? Should they expect the same treatment once Jesus is gone? The fairy tale they may have been holding onto was quickly fading into reality. Following this Jesus – being bound to him – was going to bring with it serious challenges.
Jesus did not pat them on the head and suggest that everything was going to be peachy. What he did was offer them words of hope that would help them prevail under the worst circumstances they could imagine.
I am going to prepare a place for you – in my Father’s house – where there’s plenty of room for you – where you’ll be welcome and with me and the Father and Us and God. There’s a future worth hoping for when those around you threaten to take it all away.
Jesus stated that they knew their way “home.” Thomas challenged his assumption: We don’t know where you’re going, so how can we know how to get there?
I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. Jesus was saying to his disciples that remaining in step with him, staying in relationship with him would cultivate their relationship with God that would see them through the tough times here while assuring them of their peace and place to come. The place to come was the full presence of God, the source of life and peace and all that is holy and good. That same presence can be increasingly experienced here and now. Intimacy with God.
In my humble opinion, our culture doesn’t help us walk through the fire with and for each other very well. It feels like there is a lot of cultural support to cut your losses when the relationship loses its luster. You just don’t love each other anymore. You’ve grown apart. Sometimes couples don’t heal from their wounds – I get that – I’m not minimizing the painful reality faced by millions of people in difficult relationships.
What I am saying is that there is a level of loving and being loved, of knowing and being known that can only be experienced by choosing to with someone when you’re going through hell. When I struggle personally and my wife chooses to come alongside, I experience being loved at a profoundly deeper level than when I’m easy to love. When my wife geos through what life throws at her and I choose to stand with her, by her side, instead of bolting or suggesting she go it alone, we both experience love deeper. The relationship becomes something that it couldn’t have apart from the commitment when it counts.
Jesus is making a similar point. The metaphor he uses borrows from that of a groom preparing a place for his bride. He is telling his beloved that there are going to be really tough times ahead. For sure. But don’t run, even if you’re tempted to. Rather, choose, in the heat of the moment, to draw closer to God, walking with Jesus. Because he is the way, the truth, and the life. Walking with Jesus is walking with God.
I wonder how your relationship with God is going right now? I wonder if we, collectively and individually, have succumbed to the cultural norm of keeping relationships at arm’s length even in terms of our faith? When our faith seems dead, or we lack hope, or we struggle, are we moving closer and closer to God by walking more closely in the way, the truth, and the life?
How are you cultivating your walk with God? If you have no idea, you’ve just answered the question. If you were in a marriage and had no idea how you were cultivating your relationship, I’d say you were headed for trouble. I’d advise a serious investment of thought and time and activity focused on rebuilding your relationship. The advice is no different if the scope is Christ.
So, how is your marriage to Christ?
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