I guess one of the reasons I resonate so much with Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz is because when he writes about the struggle he and others encountered with the religion side of Christianity, writes of my own. In the opening chapters of his book, we encounter his friend, Penny, who was born unto hippies, welcomed into the world with the scent of marijuana in the air, or at least on her mother’s clothes. Her family’s free-lovin’ ways made it unlikely to experience a genuine welcome in most sanctuaries.
This reminds me of the story of Jesus calling Matthew to become his disciple (Mt. 9:9-13). Matthew, unlike Penny, chose his place among those rejected by the faith when he became a tax collector. He was disliked by all except other swindlers. Religious leaders no doubt considered them the scum of the earth since they robbed their own people of what little money they had.
But Jesus did call Matthew – no placement tests required. The growing-in-fame rabbi and healer called him to be one of his disciples. Jesus believed in him – perhaps more than Matthew believed in himself.
Penny felt a cold distance from the Christian religion as well. More than that, she loathed what she saw – politically driven hypocrites on the opposite side of every social position she considered. What she knew of Christianity was anything but grace.
Matthew could relate. When he threw a dinner party for Jesus and the disciples, he quite naturally welcomed his friends to join in. The religious leaders (who were not invited) pulled aside the disciples and asked them why Jesus was mingling with such scum. Gee, I wonder why Matthew didn’t invite them to the party?
Jesus overheard and answered, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor – sick people do…. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”
Jesus wanted to change the world not with well-polished, invulnerable statues of people, but rather with people who were humble and honest enough to recognize their need for God in their lives.
Even though I knew I was going to be a pastor since the summer before my sophomore year of high school, I managed to veer off course quite a bit over the next several years. Because I was fully aware of my ongoing struggle, I don’t think I copped much of a holier-than-thou attitude toward those who were wandering alongside of me. While I definitely had friends who were trying their best to walk tight with Jesus, they were generally not harsh toward me. But through this experience of knowing my calling yet not behaving like one who was called, I think I have come to appreciate Penny’s and Matthew’s struggle.
I was not attracted to the Christian religion.
When I was at my lowest, however, I was won over by Jesus.
When my walls came crashing down, even though there was plenty to be self-loathing about, I didn’t feel condemned. I felt wooed. While I didn’t hear an audible voice as did Penny or Matthew, I knew what I was being invited to embrace. Jesus. His absolutely fulfilling love and presence. His Way which would change my world and help change ours.
If you feel like Penny, or Matthew, or me, may you begin to see Jesus for who he was and is, and realize that he not only loves you – he likes you. May you find wholeness in every part of your life as you begin to walk with Jesus.
If you find yourself with an attitude more like a Pharisee than lover of people, then may you experience a wake-up call to a much brighter morning than you’re stuck in, and may you discover the incredibly hunger-satisfying Way of Jesus: loving people into a relationship with God that improves everything in their world.
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