Proper Etiquette

In the ancient past and today, one of the last things you might expect to hear from Jesus is his take on proper etiquette. In Luke 14:1, 7-14, however, he does just that…

Just in case you might be going to a fancy banquet, listen closely: don’t sit at the head table. If you do, and you weren’t supposed to, you’re going to resemble an idiot when the host of the party escorts you to the table closest to the kitchen. Choose to sit near the kitchen – that way, when the host sees you, there’s a chance he or she might invite you to sit at a better table. Then everybody will think you’re awesome!

Just in case you might throw a fancy banquet, listen closely again: don’t just invite people you want to suck up to for social networking purposes that may later turn profitable. Invite some losers as well. Nobody knows why, but Jesus said so, so get them on the list.

Why would God-made-flesh waste his time on such trivialities?

Unfortunately, one reason is plain and simple: the human condition was the same back in Jesus’ day as it is now. Statistically, people are overflowing with self-importance and aggressively keep themselves at the center of the universe. It’s all about them, after all. So, they naturally assume they are guests of honor and take the good seats. And, they invite only people who will help them advance without any thought for those they consider losers. If you resemble this kind of self-absorbed person (who, me?), then take heed of Jesus’ words.

But there is a much deeper undercurrent here.

Sigmund Freud promoted the idea that human beings are ultimately driven in life by the pursuit and attainment of pleasure. Freud was famous for suggesting that the pleasure being sought was often sexual in nature. His assertion makes some sense. A whole lot of people make decisions about their daily and long-term life based on whether or not it will make them happy – give them pleasure. And there are a whole lot of people who have discovered that sex sells products. But the Jewish Freud moved to London just as Nazism was beginning its dominant rampage. While he certainly experienced struggle, and eventually died from cancer brought on by his pleasurable 20-cigars-per-day habit, he drew his last breath before many of Hitler’s horrors took place.

Victor Frankl, however, experienced firsthand the sting of genocide as he watched loved ones die in concentration camps while he was there himself. Like Freud, he was Jewish, and one of the leading thinkers in the fairly new field of psychology. While in the concentration camps, he journaled about what he saw as people committed suicide as they experienced the inhumanity of the Third Reich. Others did not consider suicide. Was it because they were able to find enough pleasure to sustain them?

Frankl submitted that the fundamental drive in life is not pleasure, but rather the search for meaning and purpose. If a person sensed that they were part of something greater than themselves, they could make it through just about anything. In fact, suffering itself was an indicator that they were part of something “more grand” than just their individual lives.

I think he was on to something.

In antiquity, the elite religious leaders famously promoted themselves and enjoyed the many pleasures they could afford. There was no grand story except the story of their own escalation in society. Being caricaturized as being driven so, they showed neglect and contempt for people they deemed as losers: the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind – all lumped together in the lowest social class of the day. They had no reason to consider them – what was in it for them? How would caring for them give them pleasure? This is a pretty cold worldview, and those who held it couldn’t see it.

The thing is, we don’t really realize how pervasive are our ideologies, how strong our root motives are until we can no longer hide them.

We’re living in a time when the ability to seek pleasure in myriad forms has been made more difficult. The economy stinks, which leads to stress, which leads to shaky relationships and jobs, which rob us of pleasure. I think a lot of people are struggling with misery because they are not as able as they once were to satisfy their every desire. Their life’s driving force isn’t delivering as it once did.

Maybe it’s time to consider a different, better drive for life.

There is a bigger story at work, and we are invited to play a role. God has been developing the story since day one, and the story is unfolding with our every decision. The story is the redemption of humanity – the healing of individuals, families, communities and even nations. Being part of this epic adventure requires risk, personal sacrifice, and losing some of the personal-pleasure-goals that are really not in this story. But God’s Story is better than any person’s individual story, and offers joy and strength that defy circumstances. Jesus came to share that story, to play his redemptive role in that story, and invite you to follow in his footsteps toward the greatest story of all time. A story where all humans are treated humanely. A story that honors all that is good. A story that at times chooses suffering but is not defined by it.

A story where proper etiquette is displayed.

Will you become a part of this story?

Think...
What drives your life: personal pleasure or meaning and purpose?
What in your life validates the fact that both motives above are actually in tension in your life?
Does choosing the more noble drive for living mean there can be no more pursuit of things that bring personal pleasure?
What do you need to do differently in response to Jesus’ teaching on proper etiquette?