Jacob and Esau

The sense of transcendence and of the sacred dimension of life… [is] linked to the integrity of a life that has come to terms with the past and with the demands of the intractable self. – Karen Armstrong, In the Beginning

Jacob’s life would make a great movie.  Great movies are great because they connect with the human experience on some level that draws us in, shows something of ourselves to us, and leaves us having to make a decision to deal with what we’ve just experienced or continue hiding in a closet.

The Bible’s book of Genesis certainly provided ongoing fodder for discussion around the campfire for families for its original audience, and it still does.  But the conversation takes place in formal papers and presentations and academic books as well.  Jacob’s story is no exception.

The story begins in the 25th chapter of Genesis with a whopper of an allusion: Rebekah is pregnant not just with Jacob, but with Esau as well – twins – who struggled with each other in the womb, and even as they were given birth into the world.  In the ancient world, twins were a symbol of the divided self.  The rest of Jacob’s story is one episode after another of his struggle to heal the pain of his past as he did his best to forge a new reality.

Struggle he did.  Overcome – not so much.  In truth, Jacob lived up to his name, which can be translated “deceiver” much like that of the serpent in the second creation story.  The person he deceived the most, however, was himself.

Jacob felt the pain of sibling rivalry caused, in great part, by his father’s favoritism toward Esau, his hairy twin brother.  Isaac, their father, made it clear who he loved more, and it was not lost on Jacob. Jacob deceived his brother, and his father, in order to gain the blessing he longed for.  He technically got what he wanted – he was going to get the estate of his wealthy father.  But his life shows that he went to his grave with plenty of wealth, but a lack of blessing.  Unfortunately, because he didn’t really come to grips with his literal or metaphorical Esau, he – like us – perpetuated the curse of sibling rivalry to his wives and his many children.  It’s really a gut-wrenching story of painful struggle, hitting very close to home for those who read it thoughtfully.

The patriarchs had to learn that no one could move forward creatively into the future without having made peace with the past. – Karen Armstrong, In the Beginning

All Jacob wanted was the blessing.  Blessing is more than the simple legal transaction he got from his father.  Blessing is the dream every person is born to pursue.  Blessing is that sense of wholeness, peace, and integration that gives life its depth and beauty.  It really doesn’t have much to do with money or status, either.  Extreme poverty sucks, to be sure, but I know people stuck in extreme poverty a world away who are living in the blessed life Jacob sought but never attained.

How do we know if we are being plagued by our past?  How do we know if we haven’t quite received the blessing we long for?  Feel free to add to this list:

• If you have recurring problems on the same theme, you’ve probably not fully addressed your Esau.  If you haven’t dealt with your past, be sure of this: that it is dealing with you!
• If you resemble people or behaviors from your past you once swore you never would, say hello, again, to Esau.
• If you know you’re still running from your pain, thinking to yourself that avoiding it will somehow make it all better, Esau is on your shoulder.
• If you’re not in touch with your inner self, don’t worry, our body sometimes reminds us that we have unfinished business.  Stress manifests itself in myriad ways, from tight muscles to indigestion to hypertension to much worse.  This doesn’t mean that if you have heartburn, you also have Esau – blame the chili peppers! – but we would be wise to wonder if our physical ailments might just be the outworking of our inner conflicts.
• If the people we are closest to are letting us know there are serious problems, there just might be.  Don’t be too quick to kill the messenger if the messenger lives with you.
• What else?

Jacob had a moment of insight when he finally headed back home after two decades of camping out with his uncle, where he became extremely wealthy but simultaneously built a family who lived and breathed sibling rivalry’s torture.  What started out as one guy’s problems was exponentially expanded.  Denial would lead to more deception, and even death (read Dinah’s story).  But he knew he had to deal with the physical Esau even if he hadn’t grasped the importance of wrestling with his inner Esau.  He made amends, the boys lived in the same basic region for awhile.  But ultimately, Esau would find himself leaving the place of blessing – Jacob won?

The good news is that we can be reconciled with our past should we recognize an important reality.  The blessing we long for doesn’t come through escapism or denial or simply time that pretends to heal all wounds.  Blessing is the fruit of struggle.  Struggling with our Esau, coming home to our problems, facing our pain with the intent of healing – that’s the trail that leads to blessing.

How can you help me build on this list of methods to get us on the road to healing:

• Ask the tough questions about how you interpreted and integrated your upbringing.  Note: identifying is not the same as blaming.  Even if you had the worst parents in the world, it’s on you to wrestle with its implications.  Read How We Love (Yerkovich) if you need help seeing yourself.
• Ask people you trust who are close to you to help identify how your Esau manifests itself in you: anger issues, avoidance, pleaser tendencies, etc., point to stuff beneath the surface.
• Plan on a slow pace.  You might become aware that you have a mountain of stuff to address.  How do you ascend a mountain?  One step at a time.  But you can get there.  And steps forward give a lot better view than where you are right now.
• Expect sweat.  I played a lot of sports as a kid.  Soccer, football, baseball, basketball, track and field, and, for one season, wrestling.  Wrestling, by far, was the most physically taxing sport I ever attempted.  Imagine flexing every muscle in your body for several minutes straight, all while trying to pin your opponent while he is doing the same.  Jacob’s name changed and an entire people group became identified by the name Israel – struggles with God.  The struggle is what leads to the blessing.  Completely counter-intuitive, yet correct.  Expect sweat.
• What else?

May you recognize that we all have our Esau’s to deal with.  May you stop running away, pretending like denial works.  May you come home, though the journey be filled with struggle, and may you find the blessing, the peace, the wholeness and healing you’ve been looking for.